When we talk about goals, most of us start with what we want to do—build the business, write the book, get healthy, organize the home.
But here’s something I’ve noticed: rarely do we create goals around who we want to do life with or how we want to show up in our closest relationships.
That’s where the Circle of Relating comes in: your love, family, and community.
It’s easy to assume these parts of life will just happen. We trust that love will sustain itself, that family will find time, that friendships will pick back up when things calm down. But when we don’t give them the same level of attention and planning we give our “doing” goals, relationships can quietly drift to the edges.
Jason and I have felt that shift lately. As new empty nesters, we’re learning that connection takes a different kind of effort now—one that requires intentional time, creativity, and grace. Our kids are busier, our lives fuller, and our goals louder. But we’re realizing that nurturing these relationships is not a distraction from purpose.
It is part of it.
So let’s slow down and talk about what it means to bring purpose and rhythm back into our Circle of Relating.
Why the Circle of Relating Matters (Love, Family, Community)
Your relationships are the ecosystem that shapes your energy, consistency, and joy.
Love is where you feel seen.
Family is where you’re rooted.
Community is where you’re supported and reminded that you’re not alone.
When these connections are healthy and intentional, they don’t compete with your goals—they sustain them. They remind you why the work matters in the first place.
But when you neglect this circle, even your biggest achievements can feel hollow. You might hit your goals but feel disconnected from the people you hoped to share them with.
Here’s the gentle truth: you can’t outsource or autopilot meaningful connection. It requires rhythm, not rush.
Takeaway: Connection doesn’t compete with consistency—it fuels it.
Want to explore how all your circles work together? Read the first post in this series, The Circle of Being, to see how balance begins inside before it flows outward.
Inside the Circle of Relating
The Circle of Relating isn’t a one-size-fits-all equation. These three areas: Love, Family, and Community.
These can ebb and flow in different seasons. You might feel deeply rooted in one while another feels tender, shifting, or even absent. That’s okay. Awareness and intention matter more than symmetry.
Let’s look closer at each part:
❤️ Love – Where You Feel Seen
Love represents your most intimate relationships. The person or people who truly see you. This could be a spouse or partner, but it might also be a lifelong friend, a sibling, or even a deep sense of self-compassion if you’re single right now.
Love asks for time and presence, but not perfection. It’s less about grand gestures and more about quiet consistency, such as listening without fixing, showing up without being asked, laughing about nothing together.
In goal seasons, love often gets the leftovers. But when you intentionally invest even small moments here. Go on shared walks, have unhurried dinners, and make eye contact; you may find that it anchors you.
If you’re not in a romantic relationship, this circle still belongs to you. You can nurture it by deepening your connection to yourself, to God, or to a trusted friend who reminds you that you’re not alone.
💭 Reflection: What does being fully seen look like for you right now? Who helps you feel known—and how might you return that gift?
🏡 Family – Where You’re Rooted
Family gives us history, rhythm, and belonging. It’s the place we practice patience, forgiveness, and flexibility—all while trying to get everyone out the door on time.
But family isn’t always simple. As roles shift—kids growing up, parents aging, siblings living far away. The way we stay connected must evolve, too.
For Jason and me, becoming empty nesters has revealed how much of our connection used to revolve around our kids’ schedules. Now, we’re rebuilding new rhythms as a couple and redefining what “family time” means when everyone’s calendars look different. It’s not the same, but it’s still sacred.
Perhaps your definition of family is different. It may be a close-knit group of friends, a church community, or a neighbor who has become like family. Family is anyone you choose to love repeatedly over time.
💭 Reflection: How can you strengthen your family connections this season? Is there a rhythm—a meal, a message, a visit—that could help you feel rooted again?
🌿 Community – Where You’re Supported
Community is the circle that reminds you that you don’t have to do life alone. It’s your people outside your household—the friends, mentors, small groups, coworkers, and circles that help you grow.
When life gets busy, this circle is usually the first to fade. We cancel the lunch, skip the call, tell ourselves we’ll reach out “next week.” However, without community, even the most focused life can start to feel lonely.
Community can take the form of a book club, a walking buddy, a church group, or even an online circle that supports and cheers you on. It’s not about quantity…it’s about quality.
And if you’re in a season where this circle feels empty, don’t rush to fill it. Start with one small step: join a group that aligns with your interests, volunteer for something meaningful, or simply be open to connection.
💭 Reflection: Who are your people right now—the ones who encourage, challenge, and celebrate you? How can you invest in or rebuild that circle?
It’s okay if not all three of these circles are equally strong right now. Each one will expand and contract depending on your life season. The goal isn’t to balance them perfectly. The goal is to notice them, to care for them, and to make space for the relationships that truly sustain you.
How the Enneagram Shapes the Circle of Relating
Every Enneagram type has its own way of relating—its own default mode of giving, receiving, and connecting.
Noticing your pattern helps you bring more intention (and grace) to how you love and connect.
Type 1 – Principled Reformer: Loves deeply through responsibility and doing what’s right. Needs to remember that the connection doesn’t have to be earned. It’s allowed.
Type 2 – Nurturing Supporter: Feels most alive when caring for others. Needs to pause and receive love, not just give it.
Type 3 – Admirable Achiever: Often prioritizes goals over people. Thrives when they slow down long enough to connect without performance.
Type 4 – Introspective Individualist: Connects through depth and authenticity. Needs to remember that consistency in relationships is just as meaningful as intensity.
Type 5 – Analytical Investigator: Values privacy and space. Connection grows when they share their inner world and invite others in.
Type 6 – Loyal Guardian: Builds strong, dependable bonds. Needs reassurance that relationships don’t have to be “perfect” to be secure.
Type 7 – Enthusiastic Optimist: Brings joy and spontaneity to relationships but can avoid discomfort. Deeper connection grows through staying present in hard moments too.
Type 8 – Passionate Protector: Loves fiercely and leads boldly. Softens connection when they allow vulnerability and shared leadership.
Type 9 – Peaceful Mediator: Keeps the peace and supports others. Grows when they express their own needs instead of blending into the background.
No matter your type, the invitation is the same: make love, family, and community intentional—not accidental.
Simple Weekly Rhythms for the Circle of Relating
You don’t need elaborate plans to strengthen your relationships.
Small, repeated moments make the biggest difference.
Here are three rhythms to try this week:
- Love – Protect sacred moments.
Schedule an hour for real connection with your partner. Take some time with no screens or no multitasking. Walk, talk, or simply sit together. - Family – Practice presence, not perfection.
Create one small family rhythm: a shared meal, a group text, or a Sunday check-in. It doesn’t have to be long; it just has to be consistent. - Community – Reconnect with your people.
Send one text, make one call, or plan one coffee date this week. You don’t have to see everyone. Just start with one person who matters.
Over time, these small choices weave a fabric of belonging that keeps you grounded, encouraged, and connected.
You can have goals in every area, including relationships, but love grows best when it’s intentional, not scheduled to death.
CONCLUSION
Your Circle of Relating—your love, family, and community—isn’t a distraction from your goals; it’s the heartbeat that keeps them meaningful.
When you invest in this circle, your sense of focus deepens. Your energy renews. You remember why you’re building the life you’re building.
As Jason and I keep learning in this new season, connection doesn’t just happen. It’s something we nurture. So, maybe this week, instead of adding one more task to your list, you could send one message, make one plan, or simply show up for someone you love.
Because the truth is, we’re not meant to do this life alone.
FAQ: Enneagram, Relationships, and the Circle of Relating
What is the Circle of Relating?
It’s one of the four circles that shape a balanced life that is centered on love, family, and community. It’s about building intentional connections with the people who matter most, not just letting relationships run on autopilot.
What if one area—love, family, or community—doesn’t fit my life right now?
That’s perfectly okay. These circles expand and contract with each life season. Focus on the ones that are most present and meaningful right now. You can always strengthen others later.
How does the Enneagram help in relationships?
Your type reveals how you naturally connect and where you might pull away. Knowing your type helps you identify your blind spots, allowing you to relate with more empathy, awareness, and balance.
Can I have goals in the Circle of Relating?
Absolutely. You can set intentions like “have weekly coffee with a friend,” “plan one family dinner each week,” or “express gratitude to my spouse daily.” Relationship goals aren’t about performance. They’re about presence.
What’s a straightforward way to start strengthening my Circle of Relating?
Choose one person and one small action this week. Send a message, plan a coffee, or simply listen without multitasking. The smallest steps often lead to the most profound connections.
In Your Mid-life and want more?
If you’re navigating midlife transitions or seeking purpose and connection in this next chapter, I’d love for you to join me at the EnneaSummit: Midlife & Beyond, taking place from October 21 to 24.
It’s a free, 4-day virtual event where you’ll discover how the Enneagram can help you redefine your purpose, rebuild connections, and renew joy in the second half of life.
You don’t have to do this season alone. Let’s rediscover what connection can look like—on purpose, and with peace.
Balance Breakthrough Quiz
The Balance Breakthrough Quiz is a quick, insightful tool designed to help you discover which circle of your life—Being, Relationships, Doing, or Environment—needs the most attention right now. In just a few minutes, you’ll uncover your personal “tilt,” learn why it might be throwing you off balance, and get simple, practical suggestions to bring more peace, clarity, and energy back into your days.
Access the quiz here—you’ll get instant clarity plus a few simple suggestions to help you realign.
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