Have you ever sat down to work on something important and suddenly decided that reorganizing your pens needed to happen right then?
Because, well, I have.
I was sitting at my desk with a project I had already decided I was going to work on. But instead of starting it, I started reorganizing my office. Again.
I moved things around, tried to decide where everything should go, and carefully organized my pens into different slots.
Then I looked at the clock.
I had spent all that time organizing and had not even started the project I was supposed to be working on.
I remember thinking, What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do what I know I need to do?
And then came the conclusion: I must be one of the laziest people I know.
If you’ve ever wondered why you resist doing what you need to do, especially during a busy season, there may be more going on than a lack of discipline.
Once that thought got started, my brain was happy to provide plenty of supporting evidence.
I thought about the habits I was trying to maintain. Trying to lose weight. The projects and crafts I had started but had not finished. All the times I got distracted, shut down, watched Netflix on repeat, or ate something a little sweet (or some carbs and chips) because it helped me feel better in the moment.
I added it all together and decided I was lazy. I lacked self-discipline. Maybe I simply wasn’t someone who could be consistent.
But I was leaving out a fairly important part of the story.
What I Was Carrying
This was an extremely busy season of my life.
School had recently started again after everything had been shut down during COVID. My oldest son had started college. My youngest was a freshman in high school and doing school from home.
My parents had moved next door. My dad was sick, and I was helping them get settled and helping take care of them, although they also helped take care of me during that time.
I was trying to lead and serve well at the school where I worked. I was carrying responsibilities at work, at home, at church, and with my family. I was trying to be present for people and keep the joy and peace going around me while also keeping up with all the normal things that still needed to get done.
There was a lot going on.
But I didn’t take any of that into account when I judged myself.
I looked at the unfinished projects and my newly organized pens and decided I was the problem.
Maybe you have done the same thing.
You don’t finish one thing, and suddenly it becomes a statement about who you are:
I didn’t do it, so I must be lazy.
I keep falling behind, so I must not be capable of consistency.
I keep struggling with this, so maybe I don’t want it badly enough. Maybe I’m just not hustling enough.
We can be pretty quick to decide that resistance means there is something wrong with us. But when we immediately label ourselves as lazy, inconsistent, or incapable, we miss the chance to understand what is actually happening.
Maybe There Was More Going On
Sitting there with my pens organized, which I really do love, I started to wonder if maybe something else was going on.
Maybe it wasn’t just about self-discipline. Maybe there was something about myself I didn’t understand yet.
I remembered some things I had heard at an Enneagram workshop and began to wonder if my personality might help explain why I responded this way. That question led me deeper into studying the Enneagram and discovering that I am a Type Nine.
I learned about what the Enneagram calls the Nine’s “sloth.” That word can sound like lying on the couch and refusing to do anything, but that wasn’t what it looked like for me.
For me, it could look like losing track of time, myself, and my priorities. Other people’s needs and keeping the peace felt more immediate. The responsibilities around me felt more important. When one of my own priorities felt difficult or uncomfortable, it was easy to drift toward something else.
Sometimes that meant staying busy with less important things. Sometimes it meant shutting down. Other times it meant distracting or numbing myself so I didn’t have to deal with what felt hard.
And sometimes it meant reorganizing the pens.
Learning this didn’t mean I could shrug and say, “Well, that’s just my personality. Glad I figured that out.”
It helped me understand where I was getting stuck so I could try something different.
I Needed Structure and Flexibility
I began looking at my habits, my schedule, and the way I planned my work.
I realized I did not do well with a rigid schedule that expected every week to look exactly the same.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I definitely need structure. But I also need room for adjustment and flexibility. I need rhythms.
I started using techniques I had used as a speech-language pathologist with my clients. I had spent years helping other people find approaches that matched how they learned and processed information. It finally occurred to me that I might be able to do that for myself too.
I began paying attention to what kind of week I was actually having. I gave myself permission to have stronger weeks and harder weeks. I experimented with different versions of my weeks, and over time, I learned how to flex my plans.
I still had plans and goals. Those were extremely important to me. I wasn’t throwing my schedule out the window. In fact, I was embracing it. I was simply learning how to adjust instead of forcing every week to look the same.
3 Reasons You Resist Doing What You Need to Do
1. You May Be Afraid or Uncomfortable
Sometimes you know exactly what to do, but something about doing it feels risky or uncomfortable.
You may be afraid you’ll do it wrong. You may wonder if it will work. Maybe you’re concerned about what people will think.
Sometimes I avoid a decision because I’m not completely sure it is the right one or because I can see all sides of it. You may avoid a decision because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Someone else might resist because the idea doesn’t feel big enough or fun enough.
Even success can be uncomfortable. What if this works? What might change? What will people expect from you next?
In those moments, reorganizing the pens feels so much safer.
If fear is underneath the resistance, try naming the specific thing you are afraid of. Then ask:
What is one step I could take even though I still feel uncomfortable?
You don’t have to solve the entire problem. Identify the next step and be willing to feel a little uncomfortable while you take it.
2. The Task May Be Unclear or Overwhelming
Sometimes resistance appears because the task is too vague, too big, or simply too much.
“Work on my business” doesn’t tell you what to do next.
“Get healthy” is a goal, but there isn’t an action attached to it.
Even “finish the project” might include twenty smaller steps and several decisions you haven’t made yet.
Your brain doesn’t know where to begin, so it finds something it can finish. The pens have a clear beginning and end. A complicated project may not.
If that is what is happening, ask:
- What is the next actual action?
- What decision do I need to make first?
- How can I make this smaller?
You may not need more motivation. You may need a clear place to begin.
3. You May Not Have the Capacity You Think You Should Have
Sometimes you’re afraid. Sometimes the task is unclear. And sometimes you are simply carrying a lot.
I know so many of you carry a lot. You are capable people, and you are capable of caring deeply. But it can still be too much sometimes.
That was a big part of what was happening to me.
I had expectations for myself, but I had not adjusted those expectations for everything my mind, body, soul, and emotions were already carrying.
A plan that works during an ordinary week may not work during a week filled with illness, caregiving, business demands, family changes, or unexpected problems.
This is also why giving yourself permission to reset is not the same as failing or starting over.
That doesn’t automatically mean giving up on the goal. You may need to decide what progress looks like during this particular week.
Maybe you do a smaller version. Maybe you move something to next week. Maybe you ask for help. Maybe you decide that one part still matters while the rest can wait.
A hard week is already, well, hard.
We don’t need to make it more demanding by expecting ourselves to do the impossible and then criticizing ourselves when we cannot do the large, unbelievable things we expected.
What to Ask Before You Push Harder
This isn’t permission to stop every time something feels difficult. Resistance can also convince us to put everything off until next week, even though next week may be just as full.
The goal is to understand what is happening so you can choose the right response.
Start with this question:
What am I doing instead of the thing I intended to do?
Then ask:
- What about this task feels difficult or uncomfortable?
- Am I afraid?
- Is the task unclear?
- Is it too large?
- Am I overwhelmed?
- Do I actually have the capacity for what I planned?
And one of the questions I ask myself most often:
What kind of week am I actually having?
Not the week you expected to have when you made the plan. Not the week you think you should be having.
What kind of week are you having right now?
Once you know that, you can decide what needs to happen next. You may need to work through a fear. You may need more clarity about the next action. Or you may need to adjust the plan because your capacity has changed.
Get Curious Before You Call Yourself Lazy
I wish I could sit beside the version of myself who was staring at those pens and wondering what was wrong with her.
I would remind her of everything she was carrying. I would tell her to stop using one unfinished project as proof that she was lazy or incapable of being consistent.
There was more going on, and she needed to understand it.
Getting curious and digging into why changed my trajectory.
Understanding your resistance doesn’t mean allowing it to make every decision for you. There will be times when you need to do something hard even when you don’t feel like doing it.
But criticizing yourself isn’t the only way forward.
You can stop and get curious. You can ask what is making the task difficult. Then you can choose a response that fits the real problem instead of repeatedly telling yourself to try harder.
If you keep asking yourself, “Why can’t I do what I know I need to do?” or “Why can’t I be consistent?” there may be something you haven’t recognized yet.
In a Momentum Conversation, we’ll look at where you feel stuck, what may be creating the resistance, and the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Then we’ll identify practical next steps that fit you, your goals, and what is happening in your life right now.
If you’re tired of walking through this alone or feeling like you simply don’t have what it takes, schedule a Momentum Conversation with me.
And the next time you find yourself organizing your pens instead of beginning the project, stop before calling yourself lazy and ask:
What else might be going on here?
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